Sometimes You Just Have to Give In and Cry

Another milestone among many has come along this week: I returned to work yesterday, after 12 weeks of maternity leave. It has not been an easy task. Yesterday, Juan had the day off and so leaving Logan with him all day wasn't so bad. Of course I still missed him and it was the first time I had been away from him for more than 2 hours. It was also the first time Juan had cared for him all alone for so long -- and his comment after just a couple of hours into it was "I didn't know this was going to be so time consuming! I'm not getting anything done!" Hmmmm... sounds like my broken record.

Anyway, early this morning I had to leave Logan at his new caregiver's home. I held it together pretty well until I got in the car to head on to work. Sigh....

I never used to be much of a crier. I've always kind of hid behind some tough exterior that my whole family seems to have. None of us really show much emotion around each other, like it's a taboo. It's kind of sad really. But anyway, since meeting Juan, I've noticed that I have softened up quite a bit, which is rewarding most of the time. However, I find myself more prone to crying as well. And it tripled in force during my post partum blues - which is a whole other blog entry to write about. Crying at work is also not appealing. Thank goodness it's summer and the office is pretty quiet and empty.

Today's events... well... they do deserve some shedding of tears. Just like how I cried when Logan had his first shots a few weeks back. And I really doubt it will be the last of the tears. I think this childcare/back to work stuff will have me down for a while. And sometimes I just have to cry to actually feel a bit better.

On the positive side of things, I do get to go feed Logan during my lunch hour (which I'm allowed to take whenever I want to fit his schedule). I get to pump for breastmilk throughout the day at work without loss of time (although thats when I seem to tear up the most). And Logan seems to be in good care. I don't think we as moms are ever completely satisfied with someone else's care beyond our own. Or at least that seems to be how I feel. But his caregiver has 4 children of her own and seems to have a good grasp on caring for her small group of children in her home.

After returning to work from feeding Logan today, I said to a co-worker "I'm sure I'll get used to it and it won't be a big deal after a while." And with all of her wisdom and a smile she replied, "You never get used to it."

A Severely Neglected Blog

My sister had referred me to her blog recently to read about a blanket she had made for Logan (the recent addition to our family) and so I came to read about it. I knew that my blog had been untouched for quite some time and that I was in the process of copying over previous posts from a former blog that I closed. But geez, my blog has been growing some cobwebs on it for a very long time. And I really do like to blog... a lot! Especially since I don't journal anywhere else anymore (except on scrapbook pages from time to time -- which is also a hobby thats been severely neglected). I guess this is what happens when you get married, get pregnant, have a baby and continue to work full-time. But now that we do have Logan, I would kind of like to keep up with this blog if possible. I hate that feeling that I always need to catch up a journal... but there are really some important events I would like to record about and post.

Keesha, Savanna and Becky: I'm impressed and envious of how good you are at regularly posting! You are my inspiration!!

A Family Reunion on the Farm

From August 2007
I come from a pretty large family (I'm the youngest of seven children) and half of us live around this general area. But the rest of my siblings are spread out across the country and even into Germany. So whenever one of the "far-away" ones comes home to visit my mom, the rest of us gather up, prepare some food, and sit around and gab, while the nieces and nephews play (although they are growing up so much that "play" isn't always the right description).

That's how this past weekend went. One of my brothers and family traveled from Virginia to visit my mom on the family farm. My mother has been talking about selling the farm and moving into something smaller and more appropriate for her age and abilities and my brother wanted to make sure that his kids got to spend some time exploring and creating memories.

There are usually some interesting moments when family gathers together, and I usually have some sort of cynical or sarcastic comment to make about it. But really, this weekend went quite smoothly.

Sunday was our largest gathering -- only two of my siblings and their families were absent. My mom had requested that we prepare a short biography of the highlights of our lives that we could share with each other. Of course we all moaned and groaned about it. And I don't think many of us actually wrote anything down, but once we started sharing memories of our childhood and experiences growing up, it was hard to shut us up. I even learned a few things about my older brothers (and how mischevious they were)!

Some other highlights of the weekend were: going to the cemetary where my dad was buried, taking group photos, going to the local reservoir where we used to go as a family to waterski, etc, bowling (I beat 3 of my brother's scores!), and avoiding my mom's cooking (she's never really been the best cook - lol).

My 3-day weekend was packed, but I really had a great time, and when I returned to work on Tuesday I realized I hadn't thought about work all weekend! Now that's a rarity!! And boy was it refreshing.

This photo above is of the small country town I grew up in. I took the photo from the cemetary up on the hill, where my dad is buried.