From 8/5/2007
Last weekend, I attended my 20 year class reunion. I had such a great time and in the process got back in touch with two of my friends from Junior High and High School. So, we decided to not let another 10 years go by before getting together again and planned a girls night out. Last night I traveled to where they live (an hour away) and we went to dinner and then out to some clubs. I had a good time and it felt good to just get out. I have to admit that there were some awkward silent moments--most likely because we don't know each other as well as we used to. But it was still fun.
One of these friends is quite gorgeous. She always has been, but has aged very well. She's happily married, and so wasn't really "shopping" in the meat markets (otherwise known as clubs). But I got to see how crazy some drunk guys can really get when they are smitten by a beautiful woman. I know that sounds like I'm saying that I don't think I'm beautiful, which is not true. I do think I have some appeal and beauty. However, this friend is practically perfect.
ANYWAY, I was reassured last night that my previous belief is correct -- that clubs or bars are not the place to meet guys. Even though I saw some good looking men, most of them were pretty primal and animal like, once drunk.
Our little get-together was a good change for me. Prior to my Reunion, I'd been kind of recluse and it has been nice over the past few weeks to be out in happy, energetic, extroverted environments. I probably really need it, considering that really soon I'll be smack dab in the middle of the busiest time of my work year.
Showing posts with label SOCIAL NETWORKING. Show all posts
Showing posts with label SOCIAL NETWORKING. Show all posts
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Friday, July 31, 2009
Internet Dating... Is It Really Worth the Time or Effort?
From March 2007
Last week, during my spring break, I went on a date with a guy that I met on the internet. I originally "met" him through a singles/dating site where we both posted profiles and photos. I found his profile "attractive" and from what he said, the same was true for him with mine. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and it just so happened that he was going to be in a city nearby for work, so we arranged a time to meet. A few days before meeting, we began to talk on the phone as well. I was actually surprised at how comfortable I felt with him from the beginning. I felt our conversations flowed fairly well, for not really knowing each other. And once we met (and I shook off all the nervous jitters that go with meeting someone for the first time) the date went well. I enjoyed his company and getting to know him a bit better -- you can never really get to know someone that well through e-mail.
As I left, I briefly mentioned that I'd like further contact and he agreed. I felt the night was pretty successful overall, and looked forward to further conversations and possibly more visits. I didn't necessarily have huge plans for the two of us at that point, just a higher level of curiosity and a desire to continue to get to know him. But then the dreaded wait began. After two days of no contact from him, I began to wonder. And I know that two days really isn't all that long... but from past experience, when a date goes well, I usually either receive a call or something similar to confirm that feeling. So I decided to go ahead and call him myself. Why should he be the one to make that move? I was confident enough!! (Although I kept having the nagging feeling that I would also find out that his interest wasn't nearly as strong as my own.)
I took a deep breath and made a call to his cell phone. I timed the call so that I would hopefully catch him driving home from his week long visit for work. And sure enough I did. Initially the call was full of pleasantries and a review of how the rest of his week went. Then I just asked straight out how he felt our date went. This was when I knew he wasn't interested. Why do people (and I won't just say that guys are the only ones who do it) use the whole "I just want to be friends" line hoping to soften the blow? We all know what that really means. Just come out and say it! "I don't think we clicked like I originally thought we would." But instead he continued to give different reasons, like distance, time, etc, that would prevent him from being in a real relationship. Sigh. Again, just say... "I'm just not that into you" (quoting Greg Behrendt, from his book.)
This is actually only the second time I've gone on a date with someone that I met online. I've had lots of long term chatting relationships with guys online, but rarely do I ever meet them. And often it's because I don't want to anymore than they do. So this is why I asked the original question: Is internet dating really worth the time or effort? It has become such a popular method for meeting people. But I so far haven't found it more productive than conventional forms of meeting people. (LOL - like I'm an expert on meeting men the conventional way!)
To end on a positive note... it never hurts to try. Let me restate that... it doesn't hurt enough that I can't recover in a few days. It was kind of like a bruise. The first day the bump that would soon turn into a bruise hurt almost constantly. Then after that, it was just sore when touched or bumped. And within a couple of days all discomfort had ceased. But I can say I learn something each time I venture on a date with someone new. And usually it's something about myself... and that's not such a bad thing!
2 Comments: 1) hey hey hey all us men are not into beiing jerks = thank you very much give a guy a break lady = he he he! (john_white552).
2) I hear ya! I've met plenty of people online. Dating sites or not, and they never seem to workout. Just like the men I meet in person. I just don't think dating is for me. I hate to think I'm throwing in the towel, but NONE of my other relationships are that hard. Relationships just shouldn't be that hard. I don't think so anyway. My friends, co-workers, family, EVERY other relationship I have is very easily maintained. That's why I don't understand romantic relationships. BOO ON DATING!!!! :o) (Celia)
Last week, during my spring break, I went on a date with a guy that I met on the internet. I originally "met" him through a singles/dating site where we both posted profiles and photos. I found his profile "attractive" and from what he said, the same was true for him with mine. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and it just so happened that he was going to be in a city nearby for work, so we arranged a time to meet. A few days before meeting, we began to talk on the phone as well. I was actually surprised at how comfortable I felt with him from the beginning. I felt our conversations flowed fairly well, for not really knowing each other. And once we met (and I shook off all the nervous jitters that go with meeting someone for the first time) the date went well. I enjoyed his company and getting to know him a bit better -- you can never really get to know someone that well through e-mail.
As I left, I briefly mentioned that I'd like further contact and he agreed. I felt the night was pretty successful overall, and looked forward to further conversations and possibly more visits. I didn't necessarily have huge plans for the two of us at that point, just a higher level of curiosity and a desire to continue to get to know him. But then the dreaded wait began. After two days of no contact from him, I began to wonder. And I know that two days really isn't all that long... but from past experience, when a date goes well, I usually either receive a call or something similar to confirm that feeling. So I decided to go ahead and call him myself. Why should he be the one to make that move? I was confident enough!! (Although I kept having the nagging feeling that I would also find out that his interest wasn't nearly as strong as my own.)
I took a deep breath and made a call to his cell phone. I timed the call so that I would hopefully catch him driving home from his week long visit for work. And sure enough I did. Initially the call was full of pleasantries and a review of how the rest of his week went. Then I just asked straight out how he felt our date went. This was when I knew he wasn't interested. Why do people (and I won't just say that guys are the only ones who do it) use the whole "I just want to be friends" line hoping to soften the blow? We all know what that really means. Just come out and say it! "I don't think we clicked like I originally thought we would." But instead he continued to give different reasons, like distance, time, etc, that would prevent him from being in a real relationship. Sigh. Again, just say... "I'm just not that into you" (quoting Greg Behrendt, from his book.)
This is actually only the second time I've gone on a date with someone that I met online. I've had lots of long term chatting relationships with guys online, but rarely do I ever meet them. And often it's because I don't want to anymore than they do. So this is why I asked the original question: Is internet dating really worth the time or effort? It has become such a popular method for meeting people. But I so far haven't found it more productive than conventional forms of meeting people. (LOL - like I'm an expert on meeting men the conventional way!)
To end on a positive note... it never hurts to try. Let me restate that... it doesn't hurt enough that I can't recover in a few days. It was kind of like a bruise. The first day the bump that would soon turn into a bruise hurt almost constantly. Then after that, it was just sore when touched or bumped. And within a couple of days all discomfort had ceased. But I can say I learn something each time I venture on a date with someone new. And usually it's something about myself... and that's not such a bad thing!
2 Comments: 1) hey hey hey all us men are not into beiing jerks = thank you very much give a guy a break lady = he he he! (john_white552).
2) I hear ya! I've met plenty of people online. Dating sites or not, and they never seem to workout. Just like the men I meet in person. I just don't think dating is for me. I hate to think I'm throwing in the towel, but NONE of my other relationships are that hard. Relationships just shouldn't be that hard. I don't think so anyway. My friends, co-workers, family, EVERY other relationship I have is very easily maintained. That's why I don't understand romantic relationships. BOO ON DATING!!!! :o) (Celia)
Planning A Reunion
From March 2007
Yup... it's that time. I cannot believe that I have reached the point and time in my life for my High School 20 year reunion! And I have just been added to the planning committee. Tonight I joined four other members of my graduating class to help them plan. They have already met previously and have quite a bit of the plans rolling. I mostly just joined them to visit ... whether I'm of much help is another story. My assignment from tonight's meeting is to try and locate a few people so we can get invitations out to them. Not too hard really. I work with one of my classmates, so I think I'll recruit her help as well (she still lives in our hometown and knows quite a bit more about many of them).
I think it's just fun to see everyone and I'm excited to see even more as the reunion approaches!
Yup... it's that time. I cannot believe that I have reached the point and time in my life for my High School 20 year reunion! And I have just been added to the planning committee. Tonight I joined four other members of my graduating class to help them plan. They have already met previously and have quite a bit of the plans rolling. I mostly just joined them to visit ... whether I'm of much help is another story. My assignment from tonight's meeting is to try and locate a few people so we can get invitations out to them. Not too hard really. I work with one of my classmates, so I think I'll recruit her help as well (she still lives in our hometown and knows quite a bit more about many of them).
I think it's just fun to see everyone and I'm excited to see even more as the reunion approaches!
Time to Set Some Resolutions... Before the New Year is Half Gone!
From January 2007
I stated in my last blog that I would be back soon to set some resolutions. And here it is half-way into January!! But anyway, here goes:
1. The usual - lose weight. lol Who doesn't set this as a resolution! But really, mine is quite simple. I seem to be on a bit of a trend of dropping a pound here or there... so now I want to make it official and shoot for a simple 5 pounds. That's it - that's all. However, the goal also has a catch. I also need to maintain that 5 pound loss. I notice that I seem to get stuck on this one particular weight (which I will not reveal to the entire cyber world), and when I lose anything, I tend to gain right back to that set weight. So, I want to lose 5 pounds, and make that my new set weight that my body tends to gravitate to. Wish me luck!
2. Um - something to do with my finances. So exact and precise, I know. But man, it sure seems like I have a lot of debt lately. A lot of it pretty legit, like hospital bills (from my surgery), a substantial house payment, school loan, etc. etc. So, my goal at this time is to really get some of those smaller ones paid off, so that I have a little bit of cash left to spend on myself.
3. Reconnect with some of my friends that I've noticed I've become distant with. Of course, I have one in particular in mind. I just don't know what to do about her! Her depression has spread to me I think -- I don't even know how to approach her anymore. It has brought such a sadness to my heart to think I've lost such a good friend. And yet I get quite angry too, because she won't take anyone's calls (not just mine) -- she won't return calls or attempt to contact any of her "old" friends. Yet, I kind of hesitate about just showing up at her house unannounced. I think I'm afraid of what I might find. Her whole household is just not in a "healthy" state. So this goal is a bit vague... mostly it's just about me needing to take action... of some sort. Sigh.
4. It is time to do some dating again. It's kind of been a while. I took a purposeful break from it all, because clearly my dating preferences had become a bit skewed. I needed to step back and reevaluate what I was really wanting and looking for. But now that I've done that, I notice I've become stuck in a very old, but familiar rut of not doing much socializing AT ALL. I seem to have this pattern of either over-doing it or not doing it at all. It's either feast or famine. (And when it's a feast - I make dumb decisions.) But really, I just miss having a bit of male influence... and attention in my life.
Alrighty, I believe 4 goals are good enough. I know that I really didn't write down specifics of how I plan to reach them. I'm not sure I even know yet. Needs more pondering. At least I've formulated what I even want to accomplish in the year, which is always a good thing.
I stated in my last blog that I would be back soon to set some resolutions. And here it is half-way into January!! But anyway, here goes:
1. The usual - lose weight. lol Who doesn't set this as a resolution! But really, mine is quite simple. I seem to be on a bit of a trend of dropping a pound here or there... so now I want to make it official and shoot for a simple 5 pounds. That's it - that's all. However, the goal also has a catch. I also need to maintain that 5 pound loss. I notice that I seem to get stuck on this one particular weight (which I will not reveal to the entire cyber world), and when I lose anything, I tend to gain right back to that set weight. So, I want to lose 5 pounds, and make that my new set weight that my body tends to gravitate to. Wish me luck!
2. Um - something to do with my finances. So exact and precise, I know. But man, it sure seems like I have a lot of debt lately. A lot of it pretty legit, like hospital bills (from my surgery), a substantial house payment, school loan, etc. etc. So, my goal at this time is to really get some of those smaller ones paid off, so that I have a little bit of cash left to spend on myself.
3. Reconnect with some of my friends that I've noticed I've become distant with. Of course, I have one in particular in mind. I just don't know what to do about her! Her depression has spread to me I think -- I don't even know how to approach her anymore. It has brought such a sadness to my heart to think I've lost such a good friend. And yet I get quite angry too, because she won't take anyone's calls (not just mine) -- she won't return calls or attempt to contact any of her "old" friends. Yet, I kind of hesitate about just showing up at her house unannounced. I think I'm afraid of what I might find. Her whole household is just not in a "healthy" state. So this goal is a bit vague... mostly it's just about me needing to take action... of some sort. Sigh.
4. It is time to do some dating again. It's kind of been a while. I took a purposeful break from it all, because clearly my dating preferences had become a bit skewed. I needed to step back and reevaluate what I was really wanting and looking for. But now that I've done that, I notice I've become stuck in a very old, but familiar rut of not doing much socializing AT ALL. I seem to have this pattern of either over-doing it or not doing it at all. It's either feast or famine. (And when it's a feast - I make dumb decisions.) But really, I just miss having a bit of male influence... and attention in my life.
Alrighty, I believe 4 goals are good enough. I know that I really didn't write down specifics of how I plan to reach them. I'm not sure I even know yet. Needs more pondering. At least I've formulated what I even want to accomplish in the year, which is always a good thing.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
A BLIND DATE
FROM OCTOBER 2006
Yesterday I went on a blind lunch date. It was pretty pleasant overall, but for all the nervousness and excitement (my friends, not mine) that just seems to come naturally as one gears up for these kinds of things, it really was just ok.
A month or so ago, I wrote a blog entry about one of my journal/scrapbook pages that I had made/written on what I had learned about being a single person. One of the things I mentioned in that entry was that I find that married or attached people tend to be uncomfortable with the idea of others around them being single and therefore want to "fix" it. In this case, I don't think that any of my co-worker friends who set me up wanted to fix me, they were trying to fix him. He is recently divorced (his ex-wife is in my journal group and was actually the one who came up with the idea to set us up - a bit weird if you ask me), he's a bit in shock, and he's totally new to the dating world - at least in this whole new world of dating as it is today. I actually felt a bit sorry for him. Even though he really didn't go into much detail about his divorce, from what I had heard and just from reading his body language, he gave me the impression of a "whipped dog". Tired, overwhelmed (he actually did use that word to describe his life right now), and lost. With this in mind and just overall "karma or kismit", there wasn't an initial attraction or spark. However, I do see quite a bit of potential for a friend -- and I really do love having guy friends. They offer such a different perspective and they break up the monotony that I find with all the women I am surrounded by at work and in my friendships.
There are plans for a second meeting that was arranged way before yesterday's lunch date. The same friends who set us up are having a party on the 28th. This was actually supposed to be our intial meeting, but we both felt that we wanted to meet alone first - to avoid the fish bowl effect of being watched by everyone. I'm sure this will still happen, but at least we have already talked a bit.
Anyway, I think I'll just add this to all my other dating and blind date experiences. It's always good to be out of your comfort zone every now and then. AND it's definitely good to meet and have new people in your life.
Yesterday I went on a blind lunch date. It was pretty pleasant overall, but for all the nervousness and excitement (my friends, not mine) that just seems to come naturally as one gears up for these kinds of things, it really was just ok.
A month or so ago, I wrote a blog entry about one of my journal/scrapbook pages that I had made/written on what I had learned about being a single person. One of the things I mentioned in that entry was that I find that married or attached people tend to be uncomfortable with the idea of others around them being single and therefore want to "fix" it. In this case, I don't think that any of my co-worker friends who set me up wanted to fix me, they were trying to fix him. He is recently divorced (his ex-wife is in my journal group and was actually the one who came up with the idea to set us up - a bit weird if you ask me), he's a bit in shock, and he's totally new to the dating world - at least in this whole new world of dating as it is today. I actually felt a bit sorry for him. Even though he really didn't go into much detail about his divorce, from what I had heard and just from reading his body language, he gave me the impression of a "whipped dog". Tired, overwhelmed (he actually did use that word to describe his life right now), and lost. With this in mind and just overall "karma or kismit", there wasn't an initial attraction or spark. However, I do see quite a bit of potential for a friend -- and I really do love having guy friends. They offer such a different perspective and they break up the monotony that I find with all the women I am surrounded by at work and in my friendships.
There are plans for a second meeting that was arranged way before yesterday's lunch date. The same friends who set us up are having a party on the 28th. This was actually supposed to be our intial meeting, but we both felt that we wanted to meet alone first - to avoid the fish bowl effect of being watched by everyone. I'm sure this will still happen, but at least we have already talked a bit.
Anyway, I think I'll just add this to all my other dating and blind date experiences. It's always good to be out of your comfort zone every now and then. AND it's definitely good to meet and have new people in your life.
A PIVOTAL MOMENT FROM A PIVOTAL MOMENT
FROM THURSDAY, AUGUST 31, 2006
Tonight I met with my journal group. I really wasn't much in the mood to go, even though I was pleased with the page I had created. It has been a rough week again at work; not so much due to the heavy workload, but because I have just not been feeling like myself--emotionally. And after another day of trying to sort through my many thoughts and feelings (let alone trying to focus on getting some much needed planning for our pre-service training done) I just didn't think I could handle meeting with a group of women who seem so close to each other, yet I hardly know.
But as we sat down around the hosts living room, and each person began to read and share their experiences and pivotal moments in life, I began to notice how positive and supportive they were to each other. Everyone listened attentively to what each person had to say, made supportive remarks, and basically acted like personal cheerleaders to those sharing their thoughts. It was at this time that I feel like I had a sort of pivotal moment in the midst of everyone sharing past pivotal moments.
I have been so negative lately, and I couldn't up to this point figure out why. I had a feeling that I was actually angry about something, yet I couldn't admit to myself what I was angry about. But here were all these positive people, and it was such a contrast to my mood, that soon it started to sift away. I've always believed that when people become defensive or angry, it's usually because they are feeling insecure about something. And while driving home, it dawned on me--I have been feeling insecure about probably every single one of my friendships lately. And sadly, I have been dealing with it in a very selfish manner. One I have just been pulling away from--for quite some time. Another I have been losing patience with over all their complaining and negativism (look who's calling the kettle black). And another I have been extremely nit-picky with, pointing out and exaggerating faults. And yet even another, I've just not been very supportive in some life changes they've decided to take on.
But why? I think I'm seriously afraid of losing them, or at least some of those I referred to above. I'm afraid that with what is currently happening in theirs and my life, that I'm losing the level of closeness we've had. Isn't it so strange how we build up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. It's actually just plain stupid.
Whew! What a big circle of realization that was... but now that I have figured it out, I sure would like to have more of what these women seem to have with each other, in my own circle of friends. And now I just need to take the steps to make it so.
Tonight I met with my journal group. I really wasn't much in the mood to go, even though I was pleased with the page I had created. It has been a rough week again at work; not so much due to the heavy workload, but because I have just not been feeling like myself--emotionally. And after another day of trying to sort through my many thoughts and feelings (let alone trying to focus on getting some much needed planning for our pre-service training done) I just didn't think I could handle meeting with a group of women who seem so close to each other, yet I hardly know.
But as we sat down around the hosts living room, and each person began to read and share their experiences and pivotal moments in life, I began to notice how positive and supportive they were to each other. Everyone listened attentively to what each person had to say, made supportive remarks, and basically acted like personal cheerleaders to those sharing their thoughts. It was at this time that I feel like I had a sort of pivotal moment in the midst of everyone sharing past pivotal moments.
I have been so negative lately, and I couldn't up to this point figure out why. I had a feeling that I was actually angry about something, yet I couldn't admit to myself what I was angry about. But here were all these positive people, and it was such a contrast to my mood, that soon it started to sift away. I've always believed that when people become defensive or angry, it's usually because they are feeling insecure about something. And while driving home, it dawned on me--I have been feeling insecure about probably every single one of my friendships lately. And sadly, I have been dealing with it in a very selfish manner. One I have just been pulling away from--for quite some time. Another I have been losing patience with over all their complaining and negativism (look who's calling the kettle black). And another I have been extremely nit-picky with, pointing out and exaggerating faults. And yet even another, I've just not been very supportive in some life changes they've decided to take on.
But why? I think I'm seriously afraid of losing them, or at least some of those I referred to above. I'm afraid that with what is currently happening in theirs and my life, that I'm losing the level of closeness we've had. Isn't it so strange how we build up walls to protect ourselves from being hurt. It's actually just plain stupid.
Whew! What a big circle of realization that was... but now that I have figured it out, I sure would like to have more of what these women seem to have with each other, in my own circle of friends. And now I just need to take the steps to make it so.
SHY? ... ME? ... WHY CERTAINLY...
FROM MONDAY, JULY 21, 2006
I attended the first night of our journaling group... just got home in fact. It's in moments like these that I realize how shy I can get when faced with a group of people that I don't know. Out of the eight present, I knew two relatively well. Anyway, as I sat there and listened to various different conversations, and as I watched the various new personalities around me, I kept dealing with conflicting feelings. The first one was a feeling of discomfort. I hate the awkwardness of not knowing people and being kind of like an outsider in a group where everyone knows everyone else. The second feeling though was of excitement and enjoyment at getting the chance to meet new people. I know it sounds strange, because they are two totally different feelings going on at once. Some of the second conflicting feeling was about me telling myself that this was good for me and that I need to have some fresh blood/personalities/people in my life. I've been in kind of a rut lately, socially. Plus I'm always stating how I like to meet new people, but I think that is more true when I can meet a new person, one person at a time. It's much harder (and less enjoyable) when faced with a whole group.
Otherwise, I did have a good time. There are some good scrapbookers in this group and I gained some creative ideas. I always like that! Anyway, we will meet again in a month. The new topic hasn't been given to us quite yet. I guess we'll receive it by email.
I attended the first night of our journaling group... just got home in fact. It's in moments like these that I realize how shy I can get when faced with a group of people that I don't know. Out of the eight present, I knew two relatively well. Anyway, as I sat there and listened to various different conversations, and as I watched the various new personalities around me, I kept dealing with conflicting feelings. The first one was a feeling of discomfort. I hate the awkwardness of not knowing people and being kind of like an outsider in a group where everyone knows everyone else. The second feeling though was of excitement and enjoyment at getting the chance to meet new people. I know it sounds strange, because they are two totally different feelings going on at once. Some of the second conflicting feeling was about me telling myself that this was good for me and that I need to have some fresh blood/personalities/people in my life. I've been in kind of a rut lately, socially. Plus I'm always stating how I like to meet new people, but I think that is more true when I can meet a new person, one person at a time. It's much harder (and less enjoyable) when faced with a whole group.
Otherwise, I did have a good time. There are some good scrapbookers in this group and I gained some creative ideas. I always like that! Anyway, we will meet again in a month. The new topic hasn't been given to us quite yet. I guess we'll receive it by email.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)