Today is a Tuesday, but it is definitely more like a Monday. This morning was the perfect example of my new and improved life as a mommy:
To start off, I'm now pretty much getting a whole 4 to 5 hours of sleep per night and have adjusted pretty well. Am I tired all of the time? Yes. Do I now get how people can just fall asleep anywhere... sitting up... head bobbing? Yes. (I used to watch my mom do that in church or while watching tv, etc and wonder how she could just fall asleep while sitting up - LOL)
So, today I had my usual 3:30 AM wake up from Logan demanding a feeding.(BTW, I went to bed at about 10:30, and was woken up at 12:30 for a feeding as well.) At 4:00 we both went back to sleep until 5:00 when my alarm went off. I pushed snooze once and then I jumped into the shower while he stirred in and out of sleep and while Juan also got up to start his day. The morning was following its usual path of me getting dressed, doing my hair and make up, Juan and I both taking turns talking with Logan, making him smile, etc. (he's so happy when he first wakes up in the morning -- it really is hard to keep on task.) I pulled out a pair of black capris to wear and noticed the hem was coming undone. So I slapped a couple of safety pins on to keep the hem in place and finished dressing.
Then at about 6:00 or so we heard the familiar tell-tale noises coming from Logan indicating a "blow-out" was about to occur. I thought, "ok, great... lets see if we can keep this somewhat under control, yet not change him too soon and end up with multiple changes before he actually finishes." Juan decided it was a good time (and the usual time) for him to make a quick exit and head off to work. I checked Logan's diaper and felt it could wait a few more minutes while I finished up getting ready. That was a wrong decision! By the time I was ready to change him there was poop everywhere! Yay!! "Do we have time for a bath this morning?" It's now 6:10 and I have to be at work by 7:00. "We just have to squish it in", I thought. I quickly filled his little tub, bathed him like I was the bionic woman, as he kicked and splashed happily, and then got him dressed.
Now we were at 6:20 and Logan decided he was hungry. Which is not unusual as I usually try to feed him right before we leave for the childcare providers. But we were running a bit later than usual, so I had a talk with my dear son and said.... "make it quick little dude.". Ha! Ha! Babies are so good at picking up on their mom's moods and since I was in a rushed, slightly panicked mood, he decided that he was going to fuss and squirm through his entire eating session. Which meant it wasn't too productive and time was running out. Finally, after a partial feeding, I gave up, put Logan in his carrier/carseat, grabbed my lunch out of the fridge, my purse, diaper bag, breast pump and accessories, and one other bag for work stuff and headed out the door (looking like some of those people in airports who decide to carry on their entire set of luggage). OH... but before doing so, since I hadn't had any breakfast, I decided to pour some dry cold cereal in a container to take to work to eat at my desk as well as make some hot chocolate (it was a chilly morning in the beautiful northwest and it sounded good) which took even more time. It's now 6:50.
We arrived at the childcare providers at 6:55 (I like to get there around 6:45, but oh well). I gave Anna a brief run down, kissed the sleepy-looking and slightly fussy Logan goodbye, and jumped into the car to head to work. While driving, I decided to sip on my hot chocolate. Next thing I know... a good portion of it is soaking into my pant leg. @%&^%$# What the heck? The lid is not on all the way. Then I notice next to the wet hot chocolate on my leg, there is a large smudge of something a bit yellow-orangy. Crap! (Literally). Sigh.... I now have labeled this day as "one of those days." I get to work at 7:10 (late!), go to the bathroom to clean up my pants, which thank goodness are black today and start my workday.
When I finally sat down to my desk, I had to chuckle just a bit at how much my life has changed. Routine and scheduling has taken on a whole new meaning (and I used to work in infant and preschool classrooms where structure was the number one priority). And yet, with all that structure you have to be flexible enough to accept interruptions and lots of imperfections. There were a few moments this morning when I was grumpy and had to apologize to dear Logan for being impatient. And also where I had to apologize to myself for letting such experiences, which make life so interesting and memorable, get to me. Now, at 8:30, after taking a short morning break, and sit here munching on dry Fruit Loops, I can laugh at the whole thing.
Showing posts with label ATTITUDE. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ATTITUDE. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Sometimes You Just Have to Give In and Cry
Another milestone among many has come along this week: I returned to work yesterday, after 12 weeks of maternity leave. It has not been an easy task. Yesterday, Juan had the day off and so leaving Logan with him all day wasn't so bad. Of course I still missed him and it was the first time I had been away from him for more than 2 hours. It was also the first time Juan had cared for him all alone for so long -- and his comment after just a couple of hours into it was "I didn't know this was going to be so time consuming! I'm not getting anything done!" Hmmmm... sounds like my broken record.
Anyway, early this morning I had to leave Logan at his new caregiver's home. I held it together pretty well until I got in the car to head on to work. Sigh....
I never used to be much of a crier. I've always kind of hid behind some tough exterior that my whole family seems to have. None of us really show much emotion around each other, like it's a taboo. It's kind of sad really. But anyway, since meeting Juan, I've noticed that I have softened up quite a bit, which is rewarding most of the time. However, I find myself more prone to crying as well. And it tripled in force during my post partum blues - which is a whole other blog entry to write about. Crying at work is also not appealing. Thank goodness it's summer and the office is pretty quiet and empty.
Today's events... well... they do deserve some shedding of tears. Just like how I cried when Logan had his first shots a few weeks back. And I really doubt it will be the last of the tears. I think this childcare/back to work stuff will have me down for a while. And sometimes I just have to cry to actually feel a bit better.
On the positive side of things, I do get to go feed Logan during my lunch hour (which I'm allowed to take whenever I want to fit his schedule). I get to pump for breastmilk throughout the day at work without loss of time (although thats when I seem to tear up the most). And Logan seems to be in good care. I don't think we as moms are ever completely satisfied with someone else's care beyond our own. Or at least that seems to be how I feel. But his caregiver has 4 children of her own and seems to have a good grasp on caring for her small group of children in her home.
After returning to work from feeding Logan today, I said to a co-worker "I'm sure I'll get used to it and it won't be a big deal after a while." And with all of her wisdom and a smile she replied, "You never get used to it."
Anyway, early this morning I had to leave Logan at his new caregiver's home. I held it together pretty well until I got in the car to head on to work. Sigh....
I never used to be much of a crier. I've always kind of hid behind some tough exterior that my whole family seems to have. None of us really show much emotion around each other, like it's a taboo. It's kind of sad really. But anyway, since meeting Juan, I've noticed that I have softened up quite a bit, which is rewarding most of the time. However, I find myself more prone to crying as well. And it tripled in force during my post partum blues - which is a whole other blog entry to write about. Crying at work is also not appealing. Thank goodness it's summer and the office is pretty quiet and empty.
Today's events... well... they do deserve some shedding of tears. Just like how I cried when Logan had his first shots a few weeks back. And I really doubt it will be the last of the tears. I think this childcare/back to work stuff will have me down for a while. And sometimes I just have to cry to actually feel a bit better.
On the positive side of things, I do get to go feed Logan during my lunch hour (which I'm allowed to take whenever I want to fit his schedule). I get to pump for breastmilk throughout the day at work without loss of time (although thats when I seem to tear up the most). And Logan seems to be in good care. I don't think we as moms are ever completely satisfied with someone else's care beyond our own. Or at least that seems to be how I feel. But his caregiver has 4 children of her own and seems to have a good grasp on caring for her small group of children in her home.
After returning to work from feeding Logan today, I said to a co-worker "I'm sure I'll get used to it and it won't be a big deal after a while." And with all of her wisdom and a smile she replied, "You never get used to it."
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Understanding Another's Self Esteem
From 11/8/2007
Yesterday, I spent the day observing and then talking with a teacher. I have been spending quite a bit of my work days lately completing my regular fall observations on all of the preschool teachers that I mentor and she was my scheduled visit for the day. This particular teacher has a lot of wonderful abilities and works quite well with children. So I wasn't too worried about how her observation would go. However, she does have a very active and energetic class this year, with a few children exhibiting some difficult behaviors. But she really did handle it well.
Yet, one thing I've noticed about her over the past couple of years, is that she is continually making sarcastic comments about how she'll probably get fired soon, or maybe she should just quit while she's ahead... etc. As yesterday progressed, I heard quite a few of these comments. And even though she is actually quite funny when she's being sarcastic or cynical, it can start to be concerning too. So, when I met with her to review her observation, I decided to talk to her about her strengths and her level of confidence. I asked her to name one thing that she knows she's good at (at work). She took quite a long time and then finally said "Others have told me that I communicate well with the children." I told her that I totally agreed and that I think she's one of the best we have in that respect. However, I wanted to know what she felt about it, not so much what she's heard others say. She couldn't come up with anything. I felt quite sad for her.
I'm really quite confident in most everything I do and so it's a bit hard for me to comprehend not being able to find anything that I truly know I do well. I challenged her to start identifying on a daily basis things that she does well or things that went well that day and to start pushing the negative thoughts away. She said she'd work on it, but that it's the way she's always been. I'm going to start asking her about her strengths more regularly now. This was a good learning experience for me too... I need to focus on people's strengths more too, instead of what they're doing wrong.
Yesterday, I spent the day observing and then talking with a teacher. I have been spending quite a bit of my work days lately completing my regular fall observations on all of the preschool teachers that I mentor and she was my scheduled visit for the day. This particular teacher has a lot of wonderful abilities and works quite well with children. So I wasn't too worried about how her observation would go. However, she does have a very active and energetic class this year, with a few children exhibiting some difficult behaviors. But she really did handle it well.
Yet, one thing I've noticed about her over the past couple of years, is that she is continually making sarcastic comments about how she'll probably get fired soon, or maybe she should just quit while she's ahead... etc. As yesterday progressed, I heard quite a few of these comments. And even though she is actually quite funny when she's being sarcastic or cynical, it can start to be concerning too. So, when I met with her to review her observation, I decided to talk to her about her strengths and her level of confidence. I asked her to name one thing that she knows she's good at (at work). She took quite a long time and then finally said "Others have told me that I communicate well with the children." I told her that I totally agreed and that I think she's one of the best we have in that respect. However, I wanted to know what she felt about it, not so much what she's heard others say. She couldn't come up with anything. I felt quite sad for her.
I'm really quite confident in most everything I do and so it's a bit hard for me to comprehend not being able to find anything that I truly know I do well. I challenged her to start identifying on a daily basis things that she does well or things that went well that day and to start pushing the negative thoughts away. She said she'd work on it, but that it's the way she's always been. I'm going to start asking her about her strengths more regularly now. This was a good learning experience for me too... I need to focus on people's strengths more too, instead of what they're doing wrong.
A Venting Session
From 10/9/2007
Holy Crap! It's been a whole month since I added something to this blog. I have been trying to differentiate this blog from my other one on Yahoo. This one being saved more for some of my thoughts on how I could make life better, experiences that affect the way I interact with others, "a-ha" moments, belief systems I have, or different philosophies I'm adopting in life. I guess I just haven't had any significant thoughts or events to spark a blog entry. (I need to start reading The Secret again -- could use some positive thoughts.)
But today, I think it might feel good to just spend some time venting about my hectic, crazy work life. It's pretty typical to feel crazed and overwhelmed this time of year. It's just the nature of my job. But geez, I'm a bit fed up lately! I think it's because my two bosses are pretty much incompetent. And since I'm third in command, guess what I get to do? A lot of their jobs plus my own. It's nuts!! We have a federal review on our program in December (these reviews come around every three years--based on our grant funding). I think our management system is at it's worst right now. I so badly just want all of it to be "found out". I'm tired of working so hard to make up the difference... I'm ready to let "the chips fall where they may" and it be made known to our federal monitors that our director and her second in command can't do their jobs! Sigh... I'll just have to wait and see I guess. I do have the philosophy that "everything comes out in the wash eventually." You just have to have the patience to wait it out. Dishonesty on the level that they exhibit it can't be hidden forever.
Holy Crap! It's been a whole month since I added something to this blog. I have been trying to differentiate this blog from my other one on Yahoo. This one being saved more for some of my thoughts on how I could make life better, experiences that affect the way I interact with others, "a-ha" moments, belief systems I have, or different philosophies I'm adopting in life. I guess I just haven't had any significant thoughts or events to spark a blog entry. (I need to start reading The Secret again -- could use some positive thoughts.)
But today, I think it might feel good to just spend some time venting about my hectic, crazy work life. It's pretty typical to feel crazed and overwhelmed this time of year. It's just the nature of my job. But geez, I'm a bit fed up lately! I think it's because my two bosses are pretty much incompetent. And since I'm third in command, guess what I get to do? A lot of their jobs plus my own. It's nuts!! We have a federal review on our program in December (these reviews come around every three years--based on our grant funding). I think our management system is at it's worst right now. I so badly just want all of it to be "found out". I'm tired of working so hard to make up the difference... I'm ready to let "the chips fall where they may" and it be made known to our federal monitors that our director and her second in command can't do their jobs! Sigh... I'll just have to wait and see I guess. I do have the philosophy that "everything comes out in the wash eventually." You just have to have the patience to wait it out. Dishonesty on the level that they exhibit it can't be hidden forever.
Good Conversation with Good Friends
From July 2007
Nothing beats the blues like having some good conversations with good friends. I've had the chance in the last two days to converse with three different good friends. One of these friends is someone I talk to all the time about everything, one is a friend that I have a good chat with several times a year, and the third is someone I haven't conversed with in a very long time and out of the blue we had a great chat. All of these have been of great value to me and have blessed me greatly! Thanks guys!!
1 Comment: It is great, isn't it? I haven't been much of a talker since I quit smoking. I used to smoke and talk on the phone. Now it's doesn't sound so great. (Celia)
Nothing beats the blues like having some good conversations with good friends. I've had the chance in the last two days to converse with three different good friends. One of these friends is someone I talk to all the time about everything, one is a friend that I have a good chat with several times a year, and the third is someone I haven't conversed with in a very long time and out of the blue we had a great chat. All of these have been of great value to me and have blessed me greatly! Thanks guys!!
1 Comment: It is great, isn't it? I haven't been much of a talker since I quit smoking. I used to smoke and talk on the phone. Now it's doesn't sound so great. (Celia)
Emotions Gone Amuck... AGAIN!
From July 2007
I'm really just not sure what is wrong with me this summer, but I seem to be hitting the same emotional brick wall over and over again... and dangit, it hurts! I am NOT a cryer, yet lately every little thing sets me off (mostly my own thoughts). I don't like not being in control of these things at all.
Some of it, I'm sure is my latest inability to cope very well with loneliness. As I get older, being single has shown its benefits often. But at the same time, I also realize how the clock is ticking and sometimes a deep feeling of loneliness hits. Usually, it lasts a day and I'm over it, back to my mostly content single life. NOT lately. I almost fear this is something I'm going through to prepare me for something else... just a gut feeling I'm having. It's not a feeling I'm liking too much. SIGH... What's this single girl to do?!
I'm really just not sure what is wrong with me this summer, but I seem to be hitting the same emotional brick wall over and over again... and dangit, it hurts! I am NOT a cryer, yet lately every little thing sets me off (mostly my own thoughts). I don't like not being in control of these things at all.
Some of it, I'm sure is my latest inability to cope very well with loneliness. As I get older, being single has shown its benefits often. But at the same time, I also realize how the clock is ticking and sometimes a deep feeling of loneliness hits. Usually, it lasts a day and I'm over it, back to my mostly content single life. NOT lately. I almost fear this is something I'm going through to prepare me for something else... just a gut feeling I'm having. It's not a feeling I'm liking too much. SIGH... What's this single girl to do?!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday Best
From 5/20/2007
So, today was a perfect example of one of the role's I play. I went to church today, sat amongst fellow church-goers, and participated in the services just as I have since my childhood. I enjoy having strong beliefs. I just don't always enjoy sitting in a congregation pretending to be like all those around me. You know, that "hat" that defines me as do-gooder, sweet & mild, never a harsh word leaves my mouth, etc. I have some of this in my personality naturally, but to be able to say outloud "Man, I just did not want to come to church today! I'd rather be shopping or watching movies in bed." just wouldn't fly with some of my fellow church-goers. This is when I realize I can't be myself completely while at church functions. I am a bit sarcastic and a cynic. i do sometimes gossip. And I don't always want to spend my free time in the service of others. Does that make me a terrible person? No. Just human. AND just who i am. So how do I get past the fear of judgement of others, so that I can be more of myself while at church? VERY GOOD QUESTION!
So, today was a perfect example of one of the role's I play. I went to church today, sat amongst fellow church-goers, and participated in the services just as I have since my childhood. I enjoy having strong beliefs. I just don't always enjoy sitting in a congregation pretending to be like all those around me. You know, that "hat" that defines me as do-gooder, sweet & mild, never a harsh word leaves my mouth, etc. I have some of this in my personality naturally, but to be able to say outloud "Man, I just did not want to come to church today! I'd rather be shopping or watching movies in bed." just wouldn't fly with some of my fellow church-goers. This is when I realize I can't be myself completely while at church functions. I am a bit sarcastic and a cynic. i do sometimes gossip. And I don't always want to spend my free time in the service of others. Does that make me a terrible person? No. Just human. AND just who i am. So how do I get past the fear of judgement of others, so that I can be more of myself while at church? VERY GOOD QUESTION!
Monday Blues & Mother's Day in Review
From May 2007
Sometimes I really do hate Mondays. I can't believe the weekend is over. I just read my Saturday entry, full of hope of what the weekend could bring and now it's all over. (Gee, even my writing is dreary - lol). I just really don't want to be at work, that's all. If I were at home today, I'd be happy as a clam!
Yesterday ended up being a pretty nice day including the Mother's Day part. I got up the gumption to go visit a friend (whom I've talked about before on this blog). I really felt an inner push that it was time to just go stop by her house -- I haven't seen nor talked to her since February. I took her one of the Lavender plants that I purchased at Home Depot and filled out a friendship card and wished her a happy Mother's Day. I ended up staying and visiting with her for over 3 hours. I don't quite know anymore why we don't do things more often. I realize we are both dealing with issues with each other -- I think I know what mine are, but I'm not sure what hers are. My guess is that her physical condition (being confined to a wheelchair) is the largest issue -- causing me guilt for not being there for her more often and probably causing her a level of depression that makes her isolate herself from others. I miss her dearly though... and I keep telling myself it doesn't have to be that way. I can be near her and have all the fun times that we used to have before the accident. We talked about getting together to scrapbook. I need to make sure I push that and make it happen. I'd like to do something with her at least every other week.
I also spent some time with my mom. One of my brothers invited her out to his house. Two of my nieces cooked their mom and my mom dinner. It was yummy and a nice visit. I also gave her a lavendar plant and a scrapbook page that I made a duplicate of from one of my own pages. It was a dedication to her as one of my favorite people. It made her cry , which means "it hit the spot". I don't spend as much time with my family anymore, unfortunately. Part of my increasing independence from others creeping in as well as my time being so limited anymore.
AND then at the end of the day, I had a nice phone conversation with a friend that lives in Arizona. We've been talking more regularly lately and it's nice to get to know him again.
The day was filled with lots of reconnecting. Great way to spend a Sunday! I just want to have more days like that instead of sitting at my desk pushing paper - lol
Sometimes I really do hate Mondays. I can't believe the weekend is over. I just read my Saturday entry, full of hope of what the weekend could bring and now it's all over. (Gee, even my writing is dreary - lol). I just really don't want to be at work, that's all. If I were at home today, I'd be happy as a clam!
Yesterday ended up being a pretty nice day including the Mother's Day part. I got up the gumption to go visit a friend (whom I've talked about before on this blog). I really felt an inner push that it was time to just go stop by her house -- I haven't seen nor talked to her since February. I took her one of the Lavender plants that I purchased at Home Depot and filled out a friendship card and wished her a happy Mother's Day. I ended up staying and visiting with her for over 3 hours. I don't quite know anymore why we don't do things more often. I realize we are both dealing with issues with each other -- I think I know what mine are, but I'm not sure what hers are. My guess is that her physical condition (being confined to a wheelchair) is the largest issue -- causing me guilt for not being there for her more often and probably causing her a level of depression that makes her isolate herself from others. I miss her dearly though... and I keep telling myself it doesn't have to be that way. I can be near her and have all the fun times that we used to have before the accident. We talked about getting together to scrapbook. I need to make sure I push that and make it happen. I'd like to do something with her at least every other week.
I also spent some time with my mom. One of my brothers invited her out to his house. Two of my nieces cooked their mom and my mom dinner. It was yummy and a nice visit. I also gave her a lavendar plant and a scrapbook page that I made a duplicate of from one of my own pages. It was a dedication to her as one of my favorite people. It made her cry , which means "it hit the spot". I don't spend as much time with my family anymore, unfortunately. Part of my increasing independence from others creeping in as well as my time being so limited anymore.
AND then at the end of the day, I had a nice phone conversation with a friend that lives in Arizona. We've been talking more regularly lately and it's nice to get to know him again.
The day was filled with lots of reconnecting. Great way to spend a Sunday! I just want to have more days like that instead of sitting at my desk pushing paper - lol
Blessed Friday
From April 2007
Some Friday's come and yes I am ever so happy that the weekend is here. Then other Friday's come along and you'd think I'd died and gone to heaven... like I couldn't make it another minute in my overstressed, frustrating work place. Today was that kind of day. I have been so busy at work lately, I can't seem to catch up on all the different tasks I have piling up. So when the weekend approached I seriously considered bringing some of that work home. But I defiantly decided NO! I probably wouldn't do any of it anyway. My time off from work is quite sacred to me and I don't like to ruin it with thoughts of or tasks from work.
It's kind of interesting to me how protective I am of my spare time. Not having kids or a husband, most assume that I have all the time in the world. But it's not true. Or at least it doesn't feel that way. In fact, I sometimes wonder how I would handle having little ones or a spouse that I would have to share that time with.
Tomorrow is a perfect example of feeling like my free time has been infringed upon. My mom is flying in from being in Colorado, so I'm picking her up from the airport. When I found out that I'd be traveling to the "big city", I thought I'd do a bit of shopping before going to the airport. But then a friend called to see if she could drop by in the morning for a visit. So I figured I could squeeze her in for just a bit before heading out of town. It shouldn't cut out too much of my shopping time. But then, just a couple of days ago, I was asked to prepare a dish for a dinner for some people tomorrow night. Knowing that I would be gone for part of the day, I added to my Saturday morning schedule some cooking time. Now I'm thinking I won't have much shopping time left in my morning...sigh... and once I pick up my mom, take her to her home in a nearby small town and then head back to my house, I'll have just enough time to finish the dish I need to make and deliver it. And pretty much there's my Saturday. I shouldn't complain so much. A lot of what I'm doing is helping others, and that's ALWAYS a good thing!!
I think I put too much of my energy into my job and so then when I'm actually off work, I don't want to do anything that keeps me from being carefree. Maybe it's time I changed that pattern a bit.
1 Comment: You are my soul sister, I swear!!! I know you know I'm single, but I don't have children either, and all of my married friends always assume I have all of this time. Like I have more of it than the regular 24 hours a day they have. Or somehow I am able to put it in "reserves" because I don't have kids or a spouse. Isn't it funny??? I read your blog, and it sounds so much like me. You're my blog sister!!!! :-) Celia
Some Friday's come and yes I am ever so happy that the weekend is here. Then other Friday's come along and you'd think I'd died and gone to heaven... like I couldn't make it another minute in my overstressed, frustrating work place. Today was that kind of day. I have been so busy at work lately, I can't seem to catch up on all the different tasks I have piling up. So when the weekend approached I seriously considered bringing some of that work home. But I defiantly decided NO! I probably wouldn't do any of it anyway. My time off from work is quite sacred to me and I don't like to ruin it with thoughts of or tasks from work.
It's kind of interesting to me how protective I am of my spare time. Not having kids or a husband, most assume that I have all the time in the world. But it's not true. Or at least it doesn't feel that way. In fact, I sometimes wonder how I would handle having little ones or a spouse that I would have to share that time with.
Tomorrow is a perfect example of feeling like my free time has been infringed upon. My mom is flying in from being in Colorado, so I'm picking her up from the airport. When I found out that I'd be traveling to the "big city", I thought I'd do a bit of shopping before going to the airport. But then a friend called to see if she could drop by in the morning for a visit. So I figured I could squeeze her in for just a bit before heading out of town. It shouldn't cut out too much of my shopping time. But then, just a couple of days ago, I was asked to prepare a dish for a dinner for some people tomorrow night. Knowing that I would be gone for part of the day, I added to my Saturday morning schedule some cooking time. Now I'm thinking I won't have much shopping time left in my morning...sigh... and once I pick up my mom, take her to her home in a nearby small town and then head back to my house, I'll have just enough time to finish the dish I need to make and deliver it. And pretty much there's my Saturday. I shouldn't complain so much. A lot of what I'm doing is helping others, and that's ALWAYS a good thing!!
I think I put too much of my energy into my job and so then when I'm actually off work, I don't want to do anything that keeps me from being carefree. Maybe it's time I changed that pattern a bit.
1 Comment: You are my soul sister, I swear!!! I know you know I'm single, but I don't have children either, and all of my married friends always assume I have all of this time. Like I have more of it than the regular 24 hours a day they have. Or somehow I am able to put it in "reserves" because I don't have kids or a spouse. Isn't it funny??? I read your blog, and it sounds so much like me. You're my blog sister!!!! :-) Celia
The Quest for a Positive, Healthy, Lifestyle
From March 2007
Not too long ago, I hit a mental brick wall. I had had it with all the negativism all around me and especially within my own thoughts. I especially notice this attitude when at work. It's such a downer! Right around that time, I was able to watch an Oprah episode where they discussed how your thoughts really can determine how your life turns out. And within a day or so, I also received an email newsletter that had all these great tips for a happy Chinese New Year. With all these things happening within a few days of each other, I just knew it wasn't coiincidence. It was time for me to make a change. And man has it been hard. It's amazing how habitual my thinking processes are. Trying to think about what I'm striving for instead of what I don't want is the hardest. Maintaining that positive purposeful outlook and getting rid of the cynicism and sarcasm is tough as well. But as I tredge on, I created this daily to do list that I have posted on my mirror. Some of these things I've gotten quite good at doing each day... others not so much.
Daily “To Do” and Reminder Checklist:
Not too long ago, I hit a mental brick wall. I had had it with all the negativism all around me and especially within my own thoughts. I especially notice this attitude when at work. It's such a downer! Right around that time, I was able to watch an Oprah episode where they discussed how your thoughts really can determine how your life turns out. And within a day or so, I also received an email newsletter that had all these great tips for a happy Chinese New Year. With all these things happening within a few days of each other, I just knew it wasn't coiincidence. It was time for me to make a change. And man has it been hard. It's amazing how habitual my thinking processes are. Trying to think about what I'm striving for instead of what I don't want is the hardest. Maintaining that positive purposeful outlook and getting rid of the cynicism and sarcasm is tough as well. But as I tredge on, I created this daily to do list that I have posted on my mirror. Some of these things I've gotten quite good at doing each day... others not so much.
Daily “To Do” and Reminder Checklist:
To Do:
- First thing in the morning, complete the following statement: My purpose today, is to ______.
- Take a 10-30 minute walk. And while you walk smile. It’s the ultimate anti-depressant.
- Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes.
- Read something, anything. Pick something positive or that will increase my knowledge.
- Make time to practice meditation and prayer. They will provide me with daily fuel for my busy life.
- Eat more foods that grow on plants (as well as fish and animals) and eat less foods that are manufactured in plants. Especially consider organic foods, whole grains, green tea, salmon, broccoli, and almonds.
- Drink plenty of water.
- Clear clutter from my house, my car, my desk, and let new and flowing energy into my life.
- Try to make at least 3 people smile today.
- Say thank you often.
- Journal about one thing I'm grateful for.
- As the day ends, complete the following statement: Today I accomplished ______.
Reminders:
- Don’t waste precious energy on energy vampires such as gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts, or things I cannot change. Instead, invest my energy on things in the positive present moment.
- Realize that life is a school and I am here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class, but the lessons I learn will last a lifetime.
- I am the only one in charge of my happiness.
- What other poeple think of me is none of my business.
- My job won’t take care of me when I’m sick. My friends and family will. Keep in touch.
- I am too blessed to be stressed. Don’t take myself so seriously, no one else does.
- Don’t compare my life to others’. I have no idea what their journey is all about.
- Life isn’t fair, but it is still good.
- I deserve to have positive relationships that build me up and motivate me to become a better person.
It's Valentine's Tomorrow... Sigh
From February 2007
It's Valentine's day tomorrow ... what to do? what to do? My answer to that is IGNORE IT!
I read the blog written by the 360 team and it sparked a few thoughts of my own on the big LOVE day.
I don't think I've ever actually been in a relationship when Valentine's day rolled around , or if I was, it was a fairly new relationship that didn't merit any special attention brought on by the day. But even though I don't have many memories associated with Valentine's (beyond the childhood ones of riding the school bus home with a hand made paper packet filled with schoolmate's valentine wishes and a belly ache from all the cookies and candy), I do regard the day as any hopeful (or probably more like hopeless) romantic would. I love the color red, I love hearts , I love "LOVE", I love sappy songs and chick flick romantic comedies, I love greeting cards and flowers and chocolate, and I love any kind of romantic mushy sentiment.
But since I don't plan on any of these coming my way tomorrow from some hunky guy, I plan to just go into denial and pretend none of it exists. It will probably work clear up until the moment that some office co-worker gets a huge bouquet of roses. So the back up plan is to then become the stereotypical bitter single woman.
Ok, so to lighten it up just a bit so that no one reading this thinks I really am a bitter old single woman, I am happy for everyone who has someone to celebrate with. And really, it is a great day for me to also tell everyone I love (even if not romantically) that they are important to me.
Then I can go into DENIAL for the rest of the day.... LOL
It's Valentine's day tomorrow ... what to do? what to do? My answer to that is IGNORE IT!
I read the blog written by the 360 team and it sparked a few thoughts of my own on the big LOVE day.
I don't think I've ever actually been in a relationship when Valentine's day rolled around , or if I was, it was a fairly new relationship that didn't merit any special attention brought on by the day. But even though I don't have many memories associated with Valentine's (beyond the childhood ones of riding the school bus home with a hand made paper packet filled with schoolmate's valentine wishes and a belly ache from all the cookies and candy), I do regard the day as any hopeful (or probably more like hopeless) romantic would. I love the color red, I love hearts , I love "LOVE", I love sappy songs and chick flick romantic comedies, I love greeting cards and flowers and chocolate, and I love any kind of romantic mushy sentiment.
But since I don't plan on any of these coming my way tomorrow from some hunky guy, I plan to just go into denial and pretend none of it exists. It will probably work clear up until the moment that some office co-worker gets a huge bouquet of roses. So the back up plan is to then become the stereotypical bitter single woman.
Ok, so to lighten it up just a bit so that no one reading this thinks I really am a bitter old single woman, I am happy for everyone who has someone to celebrate with. And really, it is a great day for me to also tell everyone I love (even if not romantically) that they are important to me.
Then I can go into DENIAL for the rest of the day.... LOL
Saturday, July 25, 2009
LESSONS LEARNED AT TRAFFIC SCHOOL
FROM SUNDAY, AUGUST 13, 2006
I have only received two speeding tickets in my whole life. Unfortunately, they have both been within the past seven months. I don't think that it's because I all of a sudden have a lead foot... I think I've just been lucky enough to not get caught -- until recently that is. Just as with everything else, I took it as a sign that I needed to learn something -- like I need to learn to SLOW down! And not just when driving, but maybe in life just a bit too. It's amazing how much I have noticed (now that I'm paying more attention to my speed) that I seem to rush everywhere I go. And now that I have made a conscious effort to slow down... I'm much calmer. Even if I do arrive somewhere a mere two minutes late.
When I was pulled over and given my second ticket this past June, I was rushing from one side of town to another, on my way to one of our center sites to do a classroom observation. As usual, I was running a bit late. As a result of the ticket, I had to make a brief appearance in court, where the judge offered (didn't mandate) that I could go to traffic school for five hours on a Saturday and I could have this second ticket erased from my record. I decided it might be worth it, even though I still had to pay the fine and an additional $40 for the session of traffic school, just to avoid an increase in my car insurance. My insurance agent also advised, in a very nice way, that I might just be surprised at how much I might learn.
Yesterday was my scheduled class at traffic school. I really did hate giving up half of my Saturday, but in return I learned about more than just who should go first at a 4-way stop. Overall, the class was a bit dry. I mean there's only so much you can do to make driving laws and protocol exciting. (And we actually got out a whole hour and fifteen minutes early too!) The instructor did have quite a few clips and pictures of what can happen when people don't drive properly or safely. She warned us ahead of time that things might be a bit graphic. Since that has never bothered me, I didn't think twice about it. I learned, or was reminded of various rights of way, laws, consequences, and basic common sense practices for driving. But it was when she got to the section on wearing seatbelts that I started to feel some of the seriousness of what she was there to teach us. She showed a clip of a driver, who wasn't wearing their seatbelt, get into an accident. Their vehicle rolled, and you could see the driver fly out of the car, many feet into the air, and then land on the opposite side of the freeway where oncoming traffic sped by and over him. Immediately, I had a mental picture of what it may have looked like when my best friend,
two years ago, was in an roll-over accident that threw her from the truck she was driving. It became very hard for me to watch and maintain emotional control. The man in the video clip did not survive, but my friend did, even though she lives with the ever so challenging and permanent injuries she sustained. I am just so glad she is still with us! I learned not only that I shouldn't treat my seatbelt as unimportant, but that I should be thankful for the blessings of life, even when they look so much like trials.
1 Comment: your Blogs either make me cry or laugh, you really need to stop making me cry. I love you too:) (Dee)
I have only received two speeding tickets in my whole life. Unfortunately, they have both been within the past seven months. I don't think that it's because I all of a sudden have a lead foot... I think I've just been lucky enough to not get caught -- until recently that is. Just as with everything else, I took it as a sign that I needed to learn something -- like I need to learn to SLOW down! And not just when driving, but maybe in life just a bit too. It's amazing how much I have noticed (now that I'm paying more attention to my speed) that I seem to rush everywhere I go. And now that I have made a conscious effort to slow down... I'm much calmer. Even if I do arrive somewhere a mere two minutes late.
When I was pulled over and given my second ticket this past June, I was rushing from one side of town to another, on my way to one of our center sites to do a classroom observation. As usual, I was running a bit late. As a result of the ticket, I had to make a brief appearance in court, where the judge offered (didn't mandate) that I could go to traffic school for five hours on a Saturday and I could have this second ticket erased from my record. I decided it might be worth it, even though I still had to pay the fine and an additional $40 for the session of traffic school, just to avoid an increase in my car insurance. My insurance agent also advised, in a very nice way, that I might just be surprised at how much I might learn.
Yesterday was my scheduled class at traffic school. I really did hate giving up half of my Saturday, but in return I learned about more than just who should go first at a 4-way stop. Overall, the class was a bit dry. I mean there's only so much you can do to make driving laws and protocol exciting. (And we actually got out a whole hour and fifteen minutes early too!) The instructor did have quite a few clips and pictures of what can happen when people don't drive properly or safely. She warned us ahead of time that things might be a bit graphic. Since that has never bothered me, I didn't think twice about it. I learned, or was reminded of various rights of way, laws, consequences, and basic common sense practices for driving. But it was when she got to the section on wearing seatbelts that I started to feel some of the seriousness of what she was there to teach us. She showed a clip of a driver, who wasn't wearing their seatbelt, get into an accident. Their vehicle rolled, and you could see the driver fly out of the car, many feet into the air, and then land on the opposite side of the freeway where oncoming traffic sped by and over him. Immediately, I had a mental picture of what it may have looked like when my best friend,
two years ago, was in an roll-over accident that threw her from the truck she was driving. It became very hard for me to watch and maintain emotional control. The man in the video clip did not survive, but my friend did, even though she lives with the ever so challenging and permanent injuries she sustained. I am just so glad she is still with us! I learned not only that I shouldn't treat my seatbelt as unimportant, but that I should be thankful for the blessings of life, even when they look so much like trials.
1 Comment: your Blogs either make me cry or laugh, you really need to stop making me cry. I love you too:) (Dee)
SELF MATTERS
FROM WEDNESDAY, AUGUST 9, 2006
I have decided to read Dr. Phil McGraw's book: Self Matters. I seem to only get around to reading about 5-10 pages at a time, and it's not always daily. But so far I kind of like what he has to say. I'm just starting the 3rd chapter, so I'm really not that far into it yet. Up to this point, he has been talking about acknowledging who or what your authentic self is. And he defines that as your true self... not the person you pretend to be when around others, but what you really feel and think you are when you are alone with your own thoughts. Although he also says that we are often so busy in life that we sometimes don't even give ourselves that chance to slow down and hear what our thoughts are saying or pay attention to what we really need.
The particular copy that I have also has the companion book attached to it, which is sort of like a work book that makes you answer candid questions about yourself and think through different aspects of your life and personality. Sometimes I really like doing that kind of stuff... other times I hate it. I guess it all depends on whether I'm really in the mood to be honest with myself. Maybe I'll post a blog here once in a while on my progress through the book. It may motivate me to keep reading and progressing through it.
1 Comment: I know this comment has nothing to do with the book, but I just have to tell you what Mariah said. This week-end Dr. Phil McGraw's daughter got married; when Mariah her McGraw, she said "is that Tim McGraw's daughter." I said "No, thats Dr' Phil's daughter." She replied, "is Dr. Phil, Tim's father too?" I said "No Mariah, Tim is not in the picture," (meaning not part of the family.) she said, "what picture, I didn't see the picture", so this conversation went on for a few minutes til I just gave in and said he was the brother of the bride. She said, "well that's all you had to say." (Dee)
I have decided to read Dr. Phil McGraw's book: Self Matters. I seem to only get around to reading about 5-10 pages at a time, and it's not always daily. But so far I kind of like what he has to say. I'm just starting the 3rd chapter, so I'm really not that far into it yet. Up to this point, he has been talking about acknowledging who or what your authentic self is. And he defines that as your true self... not the person you pretend to be when around others, but what you really feel and think you are when you are alone with your own thoughts. Although he also says that we are often so busy in life that we sometimes don't even give ourselves that chance to slow down and hear what our thoughts are saying or pay attention to what we really need.
The particular copy that I have also has the companion book attached to it, which is sort of like a work book that makes you answer candid questions about yourself and think through different aspects of your life and personality. Sometimes I really like doing that kind of stuff... other times I hate it. I guess it all depends on whether I'm really in the mood to be honest with myself. Maybe I'll post a blog here once in a while on my progress through the book. It may motivate me to keep reading and progressing through it.
1 Comment: I know this comment has nothing to do with the book, but I just have to tell you what Mariah said. This week-end Dr. Phil McGraw's daughter got married; when Mariah her McGraw, she said "is that Tim McGraw's daughter." I said "No, thats Dr' Phil's daughter." She replied, "is Dr. Phil, Tim's father too?" I said "No Mariah, Tim is not in the picture," (meaning not part of the family.) she said, "what picture, I didn't see the picture", so this conversation went on for a few minutes til I just gave in and said he was the brother of the bride. She said, "well that's all you had to say." (Dee)
WHO IN THE HELL CREATED MEETINGS?!!
FROM THURSDAY, JULY 20, 2006
Oh my gosh, this is truly a week from Hell!! I knew it was coming... I knew it would be rough. BUT I never knew I'd want to kill someone by mid-week. At work, every summer, we have a planning week. This year our Director decided to schedule two weeks of it. We are just barely in Thursday of the first week and I'm going absolutely insane! HELP!!
Our task for the two weeks is to update our program's policies. Some of these are so old... it's ridiculous. And when there are certain personalities in the room that have to control everything by snapping at you when you make a mere suggestion, it makes it really hard to get through. I just have to remind myself that it's just her way... her personality... and to be patient. But sometimes it's hard to hold back a response that's just as biting as what she has just dealt you.
Sigh... at least I just have tomorrow to make it through and then the weekend.
1 Comment: Ugh -- I don’t miss dealing with those people! :- ) (Shmans)
Oh my gosh, this is truly a week from Hell!! I knew it was coming... I knew it would be rough. BUT I never knew I'd want to kill someone by mid-week. At work, every summer, we have a planning week. This year our Director decided to schedule two weeks of it. We are just barely in Thursday of the first week and I'm going absolutely insane! HELP!!
Our task for the two weeks is to update our program's policies. Some of these are so old... it's ridiculous. And when there are certain personalities in the room that have to control everything by snapping at you when you make a mere suggestion, it makes it really hard to get through. I just have to remind myself that it's just her way... her personality... and to be patient. But sometimes it's hard to hold back a response that's just as biting as what she has just dealt you.
Sigh... at least I just have tomorrow to make it through and then the weekend.
1 Comment: Ugh -- I don’t miss dealing with those people! :- ) (Shmans)
IT'S DAMN HOT!
FROM TUESDAY, JULY 18, 2006
I don't know if it's that I'm getting older by the minute or if for some reason I'm going through a stage of intolerance, but the heat this summer is really making me grumpy! I know that talking about the weather really isn't all that interesting, but this 100+ degree stuff is a drag. So please excuse my whining. I can't wait for the cool crisp air of autumn - my favorite season. (It doesn't help that the stupid swamp cooler that came with this house I bought is worthless as far as adequately cooling things down.)
Alright, enough negative talk.... I will strive for more positive words tomorrow.
I don't know if it's that I'm getting older by the minute or if for some reason I'm going through a stage of intolerance, but the heat this summer is really making me grumpy! I know that talking about the weather really isn't all that interesting, but this 100+ degree stuff is a drag. So please excuse my whining. I can't wait for the cool crisp air of autumn - my favorite season. (It doesn't help that the stupid swamp cooler that came with this house I bought is worthless as far as adequately cooling things down.)
Alright, enough negative talk.... I will strive for more positive words tomorrow.
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