Over The Hill Is Just Around The Corner

From January 2008
Ok, so I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday. Isn't it true that 40 is considered over the hill?! Holy Cow I just can't believe I'm almost 40. And it's not even that I'm that distressed about it as I am amazed. I don't feel that old! I feel like I'm in my early 30's. I guess that really is a good thing... since they do say that you are only as old as you feel. So here's to one more year in my 30's -- may be it be an awesome one!!

Distractions of the Heart

From 1/19/2008
I haven't blogged in quite a while. I guess, as the title of this blog implies, I have been a bit distracted. As I mentioned in a previous entry, I have a bit of a crush on a guy. (Ok, so maybe it's a bit more than a crush.) And it seems that a lot of the routine hobbies, such as blogging have taken a back seat. I guess it's not such a bad thing. If I were to choose between blogging (or some of my other past-times) and love, I think I'd definitely choose love. I'm kind of a romantic fool anyway when it comes to matters of the heart.

Anyway, so I first started talking with this guy, chatting on yahoo messenger several months ago. And just last weekend we met for the first time. It was a good meeting, unlike my last experience. I believe I have a blog written here about how dumb and unsuccessful I thought internet dating was after having a first time meeting or date go sour.

Since last weekend went so positively, we continue to keep in touch by phone and internet and are making plans to meet again. I believe we are getting deeper and stronger in our feelings for each other and our conversations seem to be getting more and more serious. Sometimes I hang up the phone and am overwhelmed with my feelings for him and other times, I have to admit, I am overwhelmed with how serious we are getting. Finding a soul-mate is something I've always wanted. And he seems to be the closest thing I've found so far. But because I've thought I've been somewhat close before and had it all fall apart, I keep wondering what and when is something going to go wrong. I think both of us just need to relax somewhat and enjoy each other's company and the relationship and stop analyzing everything. (Even though I'm a pro at analyzing EVERYTHING).

2 Comments: Definitely just enjoy what you have right now. Don't worry about what will come of it. Cross that bridge when you get to it. (Celia)
Good luck! It's an amazing things. (OnMyWay)

Snow... and More Snow!

From January 2008
It started snowing this morning about the time I was getting ready for work. As I was leaving work around 5pm it looked like it had stopped for the first time since this morning. Of course, it was just a short break. It's still snowing as I write this, having stopped off and on over the past couple of hours.

It really is beautiful (We had some great big fluffy flakes fall today!), so I once again snapped a photo of my tree and shrubs in the front yard to show just how much we have piling up. I wouldn't mind staying home and being a couch potato tomorrow... calling it an official snow day. I may not be too far off, since I do work for a school and they do declare snow days every once in a while. However, even when the kids aren't required to come, we are if at all possible. How lame is that?!

Is It 2008 Already?! (Reviewing Last Year's Resolutions)

From January 2008
Last year, I so boldly wrote some resolutions/goals into my blog, which made them set in stone for the world to see. Of course I figured that if I did that, I might actually do better at achieving them. Hmmm... let's look at how I did.

1. The usual - lose weight. I seem to be on a bit of a trend of dropping a pound here or there... so now I want to make it official and shoot for a simple 5 pounds. That's it - that's all. I notice that I seem to get stuck on this one particular weight and when I lose anything, I tend to gain right back to that set weight. So, I want to lose 5 pounds, and make that my new set weight that my body tends to gravitate to.

So, how did I do? Well I have definitely maintained pretty well. But I don't think I lost much. Oh well...

2. Um - something to do with my finances. So exact and precise, I know. My goal at this time is to really get some of those smaller debts paid off, so that I have a little bit of cash left to spend on myself.

I have now paid off all of my hospital bills and I've almost paid off my washer and dryer. Yay!! Still have more to accomplish in this area, but I feel good about it.

3. Reconnect with some of my friends that I've noticed I've become distant with. Of course, I have one in particular in mind. It has brought such a sadness to my heart to think I've lost one of my good friends. So this goal is a bit vague... mostly it's just about me needing to take action... of some sort. Sigh.

I really tried to reconnect with her. Each time, I would just drop by to visit, and we'd have a good talk. We even went to the movies once. But she would never try to call me or initiate anything after that. How did we get to this point after being inseperable for several years? So... it's now been a long time since I've tried anything. And she still hasn't either. I miss her so much, but I almost feel it's time to move on. Who knows what this next year will bring.

4. It is time to do some dating again. It's kind of been a while. I took a purposeful break from it all, because clearly my dating preferences had become a bit skewed. I needed to step back and reevaluate what I was really wanting and looking for. I seem to have this pattern of either over-doing it or not doing it at all. It's either feast or famine.

Well... I really kind of continued the no dating, evaluating my preferences, kind of pattern for most of the year. I haven't dated that much at all. But I have still felt that it has been healthy for me. I just recently "met" someone and am enjoying where it is going so far. We'll see where it goes from here.

So... there ya have it. I don't think I did too poorly, considering that I kind of forgot about these goals after writing them! LOL

A Surprise Christmas Gift

From 12/26/2007
I can't believe that Christmas is already over! I say that every year on December 26th, I know. With all of the activity and rush that occurs beforehand, time just always flies by. But there was something a bit different about this year's Christmas... a wonderfully pleasant surprise really. I made it through without having those depressing thoughts of how alone I am and how I have to celebrate solo even when surrounded by family and friends.

I seem to have had an increase of questions regarding my social and love life lately, almost as if it's a sign. For example my sister-in-law asked yesterday if I "had any prospects on the horizon". LOL What kind of question is that?! But I very slyly answered, "maybe" and because of all the conversation going on around us at the time, she was interrupted and unable to quiz me any further.

But there really IS something behind that "maybe", for I have been building on a relationship, ever so quietly. Over the past few weeks, it has really started to progress, sometimes a bit too fast, and sometimes it doesn't feel fast enough. Regardless, I'm enjoying every minute of it and it has made for a great Christmas gift! And if he's reading this blog, as sometimes he does, I just wanted to say thanks for giving me a Christmas where I finally didn't feel like I was celebrating alone.

Dreaming of a White Christmas

From December 2007
I really only love snow at Christmastime and it has snowed off and on in the past 48 hours, increasing my Christmas Spirit. (Which I definitely need, since I can tend to be a scrouge sometimes.)

Anyway, I snapped this photo of the snow on the tree in my front yard yesterday. Makes me feel like I'm up in the mountains, snowed into a cabin. I wouldn't mind that at all, especially if I was with someone special and had no where to go.

Here's to a white Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone!!

O Christmas Tree

From December 2007

I finally got the tree up last week. I made myself do it, since I haven't really been as much in the festive mood this year. I think it worked. I enjoy it's lights every night and even added some to the windows.

I also just have to announce that today, I am officially done with my Christmas shopping! Yay!! I still need to actually make a few gifts, but no more crowds in the stores!

I Think My Subconscious Ordered This...

From 12/13/2007
I recently got online while at work and set out to purchase some children's books for the classrooms from Amazon.com. I found all of the books quickly and easily and made the purchase. I was quite excited to find some of these great books that I know the teachers will love. They arrived really quickly and as I opened up the first box, I noticed some thicker books. Immediately I was curious, since children's books are always quite thin. So as I stood in my office digging through the box, I pulled out one of thicker books. My first reaction when I saw what it was to quickly glance around the hall to see if anyone was looking! I had accidentally ordered 5 copies of some Women's Erotica!! Who knows how the hell they were ordered, but there they were sitting in this box amongst some very innocent children's stories. LOL I do wonder what the workers at Amazon thought as they packaged these up!

I have since boxed those 5 books back up and returned them. AND I've shared my story with those around the office who can appreciate the blunder. I do wonder however, if my subconsious is trying to tell me something!

1 Comment: Ha Ha! Well, did you really order them or did Amazon mistakenly place them in your order? Maybe it wasn't you at all. See? (Celia)

Yet Another Trip to Seattle

From December 2007
I just returned from another work trip to Seattle. We flew in Monday and got home late last night. Thankfully, we were able to avoid all of the flooding brought on by lots of rain in the area by flying. If we had driven, we would have either been unable to get through, or had to have taken a huge detour. One of the major freeways entering the Seattle area was completely flooded and still wasn't open when we left yesterday.

I traveled with 4 colleagues for a Head Start conference entitled I Am Moving, I Am Learning, which was focused on the epidemic of obesity that is plaguing our country, and starting at very young ages these days. And so, since I work for a preschool program for 3-5 year olds, I was able to get some really good ideas and techniques to bring back and teach my teachers about. But even better yet, it was a great conference for also getting me up and moving, as well as making better choices when eating. They kept us moving by dancing, hopping, skipping, jumping, etc. all throughout the seminar. Of course all of these were great activity ideas to use in the classroom. Then they fed us very healthy meals for breakfast and lunch. No soda and no sweets (except on the very last day we got a small portion of brownie ).

I really did feel great all week and I need to keep it up! However, I must admit that as we ate dinner in the airport last night, before catching our flight home, we all headed to Wendys! LOL After a while, ya just have to have some of that good ol' comfort food.

Surviving "The Feds"

From December 2007
Well, here I sit at the end of the week... the week of a Federal Review of the Head Start program that I work for. These reviews occur every 3 years and are usually quite stressful. However this time I went into it quite confident, and in the end our program did quite well. Most all of the findings were not related to the services we provide for the children (which I'm over). They were focused on duties that upper management and the board neglected to do. It was actually quite a positive experience, and I'm glad I can sit here and say I survived "the Feds!"

Immigration Politics

From 11/26/2007

I recently received the below message as a forward in an email. I have to say it kind of pissed me off. I know there is a lot of stuff going on in the world of immigration and everyone has their opinions about what the country should do, but I don't care at all for the politics that forget that these immigrants are actual humans trying to have a better life by living in our country. I believe that our country could improve their systems in how people are allowed in, but we don't have to be so unkind. We really do still have a long ways to go before we can say we aren't a prejudiced and biased country. I think we should look at our own country's history of slavery and segregation and realize how we almost "committed suicide" then as many supported white supremacy!

American Suicide..................Very sobering

We know Dick Lamm as the former Governor of Colorado . In that context his thoughts are particularly poignant. Last week there was an immigration overpopulation conference in Washington , DC , filled to capacity by many of America 's finest minds and leaders. A brilliant college professor by the name of Victor Hansen Davis talked about his latest book, "Mexifornia," explaining how immigration - both legal and illegal was destroying the entire state of California . He said it would march across the country until it destroyed all vestiges of The American Dream.

Moments later, former Colorado Governor Richard D. Lamm stood up and gave a stunning speech on how to destroy America. The audience sat spellbound as he described eight methods for the destruction of the United States . He said, "If you believe that America is too smug, too self-satisfied, too rich, then let's destroy America . It is not that hard to do. No nation in history has survived the ravages of time. Arnold Toynbee observed that all great civilizations rise and fall and that 'An autopsy of history would show that all great nations commit suicide.'"

"Here is how they do it," Lamm said:
"First, to destroy America , turn America into a bilingual or multi-lingual and bicultural country. History shows that no nation can survive the tension, conflict, and antagonism of two or more competing languages and cultures. It is a blessing for an individual to be bilingual; however, it is a curse for a society to be bilingual. The historical scholar, Seymour Lipset, put itis way: 'The histories of bilingual and bicultural societies that do not assimilate are histories of turmoil, tension, and tragedy.' Canada , Belgium , Malaysia , and Lebanon all face crises of national e xistence in which minorities press for autonomy, if not independence. Pakistan and Cyprus have divided. Nigeria suppressed an ethnic rebellion. France faces difficulties with Basques, Bretons, Corsicans and Muslims."

Lamm went on:
"Second, to destroy America , invent 'multiculturalism' and encourage immigrants to maintain their culture. Make it an article of belief that all cultures are equal; that there are no cultural differences. Make it an article of faith that the Black and Hispanic dropout rates are due solely to prejudice and discrimination by the majority. Every other explanation is out of bounds.

"Third, we could make the United States an 'Hispanic Quebec ' without much effort. The key is to celebrate diversity rather than unity. As Benjamin Schwarz said in the Atlantic Monthly recently: 'The apparent success of our own multi-ethnic and multicultural experiment might have been achieved not by tolerance but by hegemony. Without the dominance that once dictated ethnocentriy and what it meant to be an American, we are left with only tolerance and pluralism to hold us together.' Lamm said, "I would encourage all immigrants to keep their own language and culture I would replace the melting pot metaphor with the salad bowl metaphor. It is important to en sure that we have various cultural subgroups living in America enforcing their differences rather than as Americans, emphasizing their similarities."

"Fourth, I would make our fastest growing demographic group the least educated. I would add a second underclass, unassimilated, undereducated, and antagonistic to our population. I would have this second underclass have a 50% dropout rate from high school."

"My fifth point for destroying America would be to get big foundations and business to give these efforts lots of money. I would invest in ethnic identity, and I would establish the cult of 'Victimology.' I would get all minorities to think that their lack of success was the fault of the majority. I would start a grievance industry blaming all minority failure on the majority plation."

"My sixth plan for America 's downfall would include dual citizenship, and promote divided loyalties. I would celebrate diversity over unity. I would stress differences rather than similarities. Diverse people worldwide are mostly engaged in hating each other - that is, when they are not killing each other. A diverse, peaceful, or stable society is against most historical precet. People undervalue the unity it takes to keep a nation together. Look at the ancient Greeks. The Greeks believed that they belonged to the same race; they possessed a common language and literature; and they worshipped the same gods. All Greece took part in the Olympic games. A common enemy, Persia , threatened their liberty. Yet all these bonds were not strong enough to overcome two factors: local patriotism and geographical conditions that nurtured political divisions. Greece fell. "E. Pluribus Unum" -- From many, one. In that historical reality, if we put the emphasis on the 'pluribus' instead of the 'Unum,' we will “Balkanize” America as surely as Kosovo.’

"Next to last, I would place all subjects off limits. Make it taboo to talk about anything against the cult of 'diversity.' I would find a word similar to 'heretic' in the 16th century - that stopped discussion and paralyzed thinking. Words like 'racist' or 'xenophobe' halt discussion and debate. Having made America a bilingual/bicultural country, having established multi-cultum, having the large foundations fund the doctrine of 'Victimology,' I would next make it impossible to enforce our immigration laws. I would develop a mantra: That because immigration has been good for America , it must always be good. I would make every individual immigrant symmetric and ignore the cumulative impact of millions of them."
In the last minute of his speech, Governor Lamm wiped his brow. Profound silence followed.

Finally he said, "Lastly, I would censor Victor Hanson Davis's book 'Mexifornia.' His book is dangerous. It exposes the plan to destroy America . If you feel America deserves to be destroyed, don't read that book."

There was no applause. A chilling fear quietly rose like an ominous cloud above every attendee at the conference. Every American in that room knew that everything Lamm enumerated was proceeding methodically, quietly, darkly, yet pervasively across the United States today. Discussion is being suppressed. Over 100 languages are ripping the foundation of our educational system and national cohesiveness. Even barbaric cultures that practice female genital mutilation are growing as we celebrate 'diversity.' American jobs are vanishing into the Third World as corporations create a Third World in America Take note of California and other states. To date, ten million illegal aliens and growing fast. It is reminiscent of George Orwell's book "1984." In that story, three slogans are engrd in the Ministry of Truth building: "War is peace," "Freedom is slavery," and "Ignorance is strength."

Governor Lamm walked back to his seat. It dawned on everyone at the conference that our nation and the future of this great democracy is deeply in trouble and worsening fast. If we don't get this immigration monster stopped within three years, it will rage like a California wildfire and destroy everything in its path, especially The American Dream.
　

My First Hockey Game

From November 2007
I went to my first ever hockey game last night. A friend called out of the blue to inform me that they had an extra ticket for the Steelheads and of course I took the offer. I had a blast! I really do enjoy pretty much all sports when I can go and see them live and in person. I think I just really like the atmosphere, the cheering, the food, and the music. I can't say that I was immediately hooked to hockey in particular, but I could definitely go again just for all of that atmosphere (and amazingly it wasn't as aggressive as I always picture hockey to be -- I was almost disappointed!). Plus, “we” won!

Thanksgiving Gratitude

From November 22 2007
Happy Thanksgiving!!

It's 9:00 am on a cold Thanksgiving morning, and I'm sitting here drinking some hot chocolate and checking some email, typing blog entries, and chatting with a newly found internet acquaintance. It's not a bad morning really. Soon though I'll have to jump in the shower and get ready for the day's festivities - I'm tagging along with my brother and sister-in-law and their family to her aunt's house. Our family tradition for thanksgiving has changed and in some ways it's nice to have change, but in other ways I miss what we used to do.

Thanksgiving seems to be becoming one of those lost holidays anymore. Christmas usually starts way too early for me, and the focus is more on the shopping opportunities during this weekend rather than a spirit of gratitude. But maybe once I've experienced the day, it will be just as rewarding as this morning had been -- peaceful! Which is always something to be grateful for!!

And on this cold but relaxing Thanksgiving morning, I noticed I had yet another really insightful horoscope for the day. I quite often fight the inner battle of what is the "right" thing to do versus what I really want to do. Why can't they be one in the same? And sometimes I think I do confuse what's "right" with what feels safe instead of venturing out there. Hmmm. I'll have to think on that some more.

Aquarius: January 20 - February 18
It's time that you give yourself what you need, dear Aquarius. Your desires don't always go in the direction that does you the most good, and this can cause some tension. You often feel as though it is impossible to combine your desires with what is good for you, notably in your love life. You wrestle with whether you should remain in your "creative" cave or share your life with someone. Does it really have to be one or the other?

A Working Weekend and a Migraine Headache

From November 2007
This weekend was our annual Policy Council Retreat, which is when we take newly elected members of one of our governing bodies and train them. We usually take everyone out of town for an overnight stay and spend the day Saturday giving them lots of information on our program. But this particular year, I really felt it was a non-productive and useless event. It's so sad really... there was a lot of waste. Waste in time (we sat around as staff, waiting a lot), and waste of money (food and rooms were reserved, and people didn't show and we had to pay for it anyway). We really do need to change how we do it. Change would definitely be a good thing in this case.

And on top of all of this, I've had a rebounding migraine headache for the past 3 or 4 days (who's counting anymore?). I think it's a stress headache, but I'm also not sure that it might be a bit of a flu bug. So, I'm living on Ibuprofin and Excedrin Migraine pills, and I've got one more week until our big Federal Review. Sigh...

Life Goes On...

From November 2007
As usual, life has been busy. And it just occurred to me that I hadn't blogged in quite a while. I should have lots to write (or vent) about will all my busy-ness, but I think by the time I get home from work and do a few things around the house, I'm brain dead and have shut down mentally.

November is quickly passing, and with it comes a Federal Review at work -- the week after Thanksgiving Break. Federal Review is similar to an audit, except that it extends to all parts of our grant-funded preschool program, not just the fiscal part. We have one every three years, and so in the many years I've worked here, I've gone through about six. They are always stressful and taxing. But having it in November is pretty early in the school year and I'm glad that it will be over soon. However, until then, I feel like I'm on fast-forward and just can't seem to get enough done each day. I think pretty much everyone in my life thinks I've dropped off the face of the earth.

Sigh... life does go on though and soon I'll be back to my still busy, but less stressful pace.

Understanding Another's Self Esteem

From 11/8/2007
Yesterday, I spent the day observing and then talking with a teacher. I have been spending quite a bit of my work days lately completing my regular fall observations on all of the preschool teachers that I mentor and she was my scheduled visit for the day. This particular teacher has a lot of wonderful abilities and works quite well with children. So I wasn't too worried about how her observation would go. However, she does have a very active and energetic class this year, with a few children exhibiting some difficult behaviors. But she really did handle it well.

Yet, one thing I've noticed about her over the past couple of years, is that she is continually making sarcastic comments about how she'll probably get fired soon, or maybe she should just quit while she's ahead... etc. As yesterday progressed, I heard quite a few of these comments. And even though she is actually quite funny when she's being sarcastic or cynical, it can start to be concerning too. So, when I met with her to review her observation, I decided to talk to her about her strengths and her level of confidence. I asked her to name one thing that she knows she's good at (at work). She took quite a long time and then finally said "Others have told me that I communicate well with the children." I told her that I totally agreed and that I think she's one of the best we have in that respect. However, I wanted to know what she felt about it, not so much what she's heard others say. She couldn't come up with anything. I felt quite sad for her.

I'm really quite confident in most everything I do and so it's a bit hard for me to comprehend not being able to find anything that I truly know I do well. I challenged her to start identifying on a daily basis things that she does well or things that went well that day and to start pushing the negative thoughts away. She said she'd work on it, but that it's the way she's always been. I'm going to start asking her about her strengths more regularly now. This was a good learning experience for me too... I need to focus on people's strengths more too, instead of what they're doing wrong.

BOO!!

From 10/27/2007
Halloween is my favorite holiday. I just love it!! It's autumn, it's spooky, it revolves around candy, and you get to be someone else! So, I took a couple of quizzes.

What Kind of Monster Are You?
(I loved the results!!)
You Are A Vampire
You have a real thirst for bliss, and you consider yourself a true hedonist.

And you're not afraid to walk alone in life, if it means getting what you truly crave.

You truly enjoy entrancing people.

Not to mention the ensuing pleasures of the flesh.

Your tastes have been called decadent and bizarre.

You usually give in to your temptations, no matter how primal.

Your greatest power: Your flawless ability to seduce and charm

Your greatest weakness: Human flesh

You play well with: Werewolves
http://www.blogthings.com/whatkindofmonsterareyouquiz/

What's Your Halloween Personality?
(The results were somewhat true, but not right on.)
What Your Halloween Habits Say About You
You love the drama of Halloween.

You definitely like to have the best costume around - and everyone noticing you.

You definitely think of yourself as someone who has a dark side.

And part of having that dark side means not showing it.

Your inner child is stubborn and a bit bossy.You truly fear the dark side of humanity.

You are a true misanthrope.

You're prone to be quite emotional and over dramatic.

Deep down, you enjoy being scared out of your mind... even if you don't admit it.

You are a traditionalist with most aspects of your life.

You like your Halloween costume to be basic, well made,

and conventional enough to wear another year.
http://www.blogthings.com/whatsyourhalloweenpersonalityquiz/

In Love With Me!

From 10/24/2007
My whole life, I haven't ever really thought of myself as "cute" or "gorgeous" or "pretty". I'm not sure what sparked this self-image... although as I hit middle school I certainly went through the awkward stage, not knowing quite how to handle all the changes occuring in my body. I had acne, I became extra chubby, and my hair seemed to always be greasy by the end of the day. Then when I would look at some of my friends, whose skin was clear, body shapes filling in nicely, great clothes, and cute hair, all I could do was compare. All young girls do this. It's just sad how those thoughts and images in our minds stick with us for so long. My weight has always been something that affected my self-esteem.

But over the past decade (my 30's), I've noticed that I'm finally getting past those negative thoughts about my looks and appearance. Yes, I'm quite aware that I'm not skinny and modelesque... but I AM beautiful! And it's great to hear others (men) say it too. A couple of weekends ago, I went with a friend to take some pictures. She took quite a few of me, and I really like how they turned out.

Is this me being vain? I really don't think so. This is me, with a healthy self-image!!

More Beautiful Autumn Photos

From October 2007

It's taken me all week, but I'm finally getting back to my blog.

Last Saturday I went with a friend back to the same park that my niece was married at to take some scenic fall photos. It was a beautiful day!! It was great to be outside, and I loved just taking my time, snapping photos here and there. Plus, since I've been so stressed at work, it was good therapy to do something creative. I have to have my creative time on a regular basis!

My friend, who is a much better photographer than I am, also took some pictures. We took quite a few of me in all of the fall colored foliage. I haven't seen them yet, but she promises a disc full. I guess it's a good thing I like my photo taken!

Another Crazy Work Day!

From October 2007
If the calendar didn't say differently, I'd swear today was Friday the 13th. It was just one thing after another going wrong. Maybe it's a full moon or something. Whatever it was, things were crazy today!! By 4:30 this afternoon, I was completely brain dead and exhausted.

So what caused all of this exhaustion? We had a teacher assistant quit after refusing to do some of the basic duties of her job. Another new hire didn't show up, causing us to worry about her, since the last time she was seen this morning she had told people that she was headed to work (she had become violently ill, unable to call or answer her phone). One of our cooks collapsed or fell in her kitchen due to some back problems she's been having and had to be rushed to the emergency room. We made a decision to let another employee go as well as put an additional one on a performance improvement plan based on performance so far. And to top it off I kept having difficulties with my computer (which wasn't that bad, but annoying on top of everything else.)

For dinner tonight I ate cookies and milk. Do you blame me?!