From 5/20/2007
So, today was a perfect example of one of the role's I play. I went to church today, sat amongst fellow church-goers, and participated in the services just as I have since my childhood. I enjoy having strong beliefs. I just don't always enjoy sitting in a congregation pretending to be like all those around me. You know, that "hat" that defines me as do-gooder, sweet & mild, never a harsh word leaves my mouth, etc. I have some of this in my personality naturally, but to be able to say outloud "Man, I just did not want to come to church today! I'd rather be shopping or watching movies in bed." just wouldn't fly with some of my fellow church-goers. This is when I realize I can't be myself completely while at church functions. I am a bit sarcastic and a cynic. i do sometimes gossip. And I don't always want to spend my free time in the service of others. Does that make me a terrible person? No. Just human. AND just who i am. So how do I get past the fear of judgement of others, so that I can be more of myself while at church? VERY GOOD QUESTION!
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