Internet Dating... Is It Really Worth the Time or Effort?

From March 2007
Last week, during my spring break, I went on a date with a guy that I met on the internet. I originally "met" him through a singles/dating site where we both posted profiles and photos. I found his profile "attractive" and from what he said, the same was true for him with mine. We emailed back and forth for a few weeks and it just so happened that he was going to be in a city nearby for work, so we arranged a time to meet. A few days before meeting, we began to talk on the phone as well. I was actually surprised at how comfortable I felt with him from the beginning. I felt our conversations flowed fairly well, for not really knowing each other. And once we met (and I shook off all the nervous jitters that go with meeting someone for the first time) the date went well. I enjoyed his company and getting to know him a bit better -- you can never really get to know someone that well through e-mail.

As I left, I briefly mentioned that I'd like further contact and he agreed. I felt the night was pretty successful overall, and looked forward to further conversations and possibly more visits. I didn't necessarily have huge plans for the two of us at that point, just a higher level of curiosity and a desire to continue to get to know him. But then the dreaded wait began. After two days of no contact from him, I began to wonder. And I know that two days really isn't all that long... but from past experience, when a date goes well, I usually either receive a call or something similar to confirm that feeling. So I decided to go ahead and call him myself. Why should he be the one to make that move? I was confident enough!! (Although I kept having the nagging feeling that I would also find out that his interest wasn't nearly as strong as my own.)

I took a deep breath and made a call to his cell phone. I timed the call so that I would hopefully catch him driving home from his week long visit for work. And sure enough I did. Initially the call was full of pleasantries and a review of how the rest of his week went. Then I just asked straight out how he felt our date went. This was when I knew he wasn't interested. Why do people (and I won't just say that guys are the only ones who do it) use the whole "I just want to be friends" line hoping to soften the blow? We all know what that really means. Just come out and say it! "I don't think we clicked like I originally thought we would." But instead he continued to give different reasons, like distance, time, etc, that would prevent him from being in a real relationship. Sigh. Again, just say... "I'm just not that into you" (quoting Greg Behrendt, from his book.)

This is actually only the second time I've gone on a date with someone that I met online. I've had lots of long term chatting relationships with guys online, but rarely do I ever meet them. And often it's because I don't want to anymore than they do. So this is why I asked the original question: Is internet dating really worth the time or effort? It has become such a popular method for meeting people. But I so far haven't found it more productive than conventional forms of meeting people. (LOL - like I'm an expert on meeting men the conventional way!)

To end on a positive note... it never hurts to try. Let me restate that... it doesn't hurt enough that I can't recover in a few days. It was kind of like a bruise. The first day the bump that would soon turn into a bruise hurt almost constantly. Then after that, it was just sore when touched or bumped. And within a couple of days all discomfort had ceased. But I can say I learn something each time I venture on a date with someone new. And usually it's something about myself... and that's not such a bad thing!


2 Comments: 1) hey hey hey all us men are not into beiing jerks = thank you very much give a guy a break lady = he he he! (john_white552).
2) I hear ya! I've met plenty of people online. Dating sites or not, and they never seem to workout. Just like the men I meet in person. I just don't think dating is for me. I hate to think I'm throwing in the towel, but NONE of my other relationships are that hard. Relationships just shouldn't be that hard. I don't think so anyway. My friends, co-workers, family, EVERY other relationship I have is very easily maintained. That's why I don't understand romantic relationships. BOO ON DATING!!!! :o) (Celia)