From June 2007
Happy Wednesday!
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press "Ctrl Alt Delete" and start all over?
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever!
When weeding the garden, the best way to make sure you're removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it's a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you ever noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt?" Or the first one to look at a cow and think, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do we strive to eat a lot of natural foods when most people die of natural causes?
Just remember, if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off!
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever!
When weeding the garden, the best way to make sure you're removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it's a valuable plant.
The easiest way to find something around the house is to buy a replacement.
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
Have you ever noticed that since everyone has a camcorder these days, no one talks about seeing UFO's like they used to?
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt?" Or the first one to look at a cow and think, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if he's going to look up there anyway?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
Why do we strive to eat a lot of natural foods when most people die of natural causes?
Here's to Friday, which is now only two days away!
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